to start anew...

.currently i'm here at talavera, nueva ecija. in my mother's bestfriend's house. thinking, enjoying the place, and perhaps planning. i still want to hold on to the reason(s) why i left the seminary and start anew with my life. i don't know if it is a compelled action to do after leaving behind your history. there are many things to consider, many things offered but still i am the one who will decide. am i really the one who will decide? or it still depends on the factors outside me? i cannot blame those outside me with every decision i make. they can easily blame me for the decision i make. i cannot blame others with the consequences i might face. they can easily blame me with the consequences i might have.